You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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