I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
