I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
