I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
