ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
