tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have demons in me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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