Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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