Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
