Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
