Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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