DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
