Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you win again, gameday.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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