ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
