So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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