this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
