At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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