Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
