i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize