You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
