my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
