i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
