Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We left an ass print on the piano.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
