every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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