so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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