im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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