The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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