Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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