Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
