While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
