: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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