And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
