i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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