My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
