We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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