I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
