My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
