I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
