Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
