meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
