so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
