We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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