I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
