i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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