We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
