life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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