Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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