I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
