I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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