I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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