I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
