What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
