I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
