rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
