Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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