Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
